Inspired by the Flux’s 3 word movie reviews, I decided to try the far wordier, albeit far less ambitious, 5 word movie review. Originally I set out to review every movie I had ever seen. This proved to be, quite frankly, impossible. I’ve got 50 so far. Many of these where originally posted on my old wordpress.com blog, but I thought they’d be worth revisiting here. Enjoy.
Citizen Kane (1941)
Alright. I could do better.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
Didn’t see it. Sounds Awesome!
Chinatown (1974)
Roman Polanski: Genius, Child F***er
Jaws (1975)
Family man fights shark, wins.
Mad Max (1979)
Rockatansky? Sounds Jewish to me…
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
Archeologist fights the Nazis, wins.
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
Alien fights family man, wins.
Blade Runner (1982)
I dream of electric sheep… :-0
Yentl (1983)
Guessing Mel didn’t see it.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)
Archeologist fights Kali devotees, wins.
Splash (1984)
Hannah as manatee. Comic gold.
Volunteers (1985)
Move over “the River Kwai”!
The Man with One Red Shoe (1985)
Greatest spy film ever made?
Pretty in Pink (1986)
Andie’s black. Think about it.
Above the Law (1988)
Good Seagal. Only happened once.
Big (1988)
Captures my imagination every time
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)
Archeologist fights Nazis again, wins.
The ‘burbs (1989)
“Satan is your pal.” priceless
Joe Versus the Volcano (1990)
Better than half this crap.
The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990)
Could’ve been worse… Just kidding…
Hook (1991)
Peter Pan fights Hook, wins.
A League of Their Own (1992)
Women playing baseball? What’s Next??
Jurassic Park (1993)
palaeontologist fights modern dinosaurs, wins
Philadelphia (1993)
Flawless. Need… four… more… words…
Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
Ian’s favorite movie. OOOH BURN!
Harrison Ford is The Fugitive (1993)
Best movie ever! No, seriously
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
FRESH FISH! FRESH FISH! Yikes.
Forrest Gump (1994)
Creates new genre: “Lovable ‘tards”
Braveheart (1995)
Wasn’t William Wallace a jew?
Toy Story (1995)
Pixar’s greatest film? Maybe Tom’s?
Apollo 13 (1995)
Too serious. I blame Philadelphia.
Breaking the Waves (1996)
“Golden Heart” trilogy causes vomiting
Titanic (1997)
Birthed “synthespians”. Drowned them all.
Conspiracy Theory (1997)
Amazingly, not about the jews!
The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
chaotitian fights modern dinosaurs, wins
Saving Private Ryan (1998)
Extreme Makeover: Greatest Generation Edition
You’ve Got Mail (1998)
Didn’t I just see this?
The Green Mile (1999)
Save time. Read six volumes…
Cast Away (2000)
Joe minus Volcano. Wilson dominates.
Dancer in the Dark (2000)
Breaking the Waves: The Musical
American Psycho (2000)
I can relate… Just kidding…
Minority Report (2002)
Man fights his destiny, wins
Catch Me If You Can (2002)
Tom brilliant as charming putz.
Ghost Ship (2002)
Ghosts on Ship. Zanyness ensues
Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)
Face It. Michael was right.
The Passion of the Christ (2004)
I know he was jewish.
The Ladykillers (2004)
Yeah Tom! Stick with funny!
The Terminal (2004)
No Tom. I said funny.
War of the Worlds (2005)
Family man fights aliens, wins.
Derailed (2005)
Tell Hafstrom “Rape’s not cool”!!
Check out The Flux to see their three word reviews.
About The Author - My name is Stirling McLaughlin. I am married. I am an Art Director, Designer and Illustrator. The opinions expressed on this site are my own and do not necessarily represent those of my employer. I have lots of ideas. I have a baby girl named Nika Bean. I live in New York City. When I was in college, they put me on TV because I wore a mask and yelled at people. I have a reality show that I wil be starting… any day now. -
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