Have you spent the last couple of weeks trying to come up with the perfect costume? Do you now, at 5pm on Halloween, face the prospect of going another year as the guy who forgot a costume? Well, I’ve got good news. If you, like me, are a nondescript white male with glasses, you’re in luck! Here is my list of three sure fire last minute costumes for bespectacled Caucasians.

#1 Rivers Cuomo

It isn’t that often that you get confused with a rock star. But if you’re white, have glasses, and are between the ages of 21 and 40, you probably get confused with Weezer founder Rivers Cuomo
on a daily basis. Now is the time to use this to your advantage. The best part about this simple, timeless costume is that you’re already wearing it! Sure, you can dress it up with an electric guitar or maybe a sweater vest, but that all stuff seams just a tad excessive. All you really need is to hum a few bars from “Undone-the Sweater Song” and hit on an Asian school girl. You’ll be the hit of the party in no time!

#2 Harry Potter

If you are looking for something a little more obscure this Halloween, why not go as the guy currently beating the pants off of Jesus & Co. on the NYT’s best seller’s list? Love him or hate him, Harry Potter is the bespectacled Caucasians messiah. You can either embrace him or spend eternity in Halloween purgatory. All you need for this fun and simple costume is a lightning bolt shaped “scar” on your forehead. Makeup is best, but in a pinch a black sharpie will do nicely. If you have time, you can dress it up with a rugby shirt or bath robe (Read: Wizard’s Robe). Then get a bit of twig and stumble around pointing it at things and swearing in Latin. “Expecto Patrón Margarita!” Priceless. If your looking for an easier alternative. Just take your glasses off and tell everyone you’re dressed as Daniel Radcliffe. It works every time.

#3 Gimungous, Attorney at Law

For this final costume, having glasses doesn’t really help you. In fact, being Caucasian is actually kind of a hindrance as well. Still, if you’re like me, you’ve been waiting all year for an excuse to pull that Luchador mask out of your top drawer at work and start roaming the halls, body slamming people. The best part about this simple, elegant and mildly offensive costume is that it goes with whatever you have on. Wear a suit to work? You’re “Lupo, Professional Banker!” Work at a Starbucks? How about “El Barista Vampiro!” Just because your Spanish is woefully bad, doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time! I once went as “El Scorcho, Television Chef”! Many men felt the wrath of my steel spatula that day. Good times…

Happy Haunting!

About The Author - My name is Stirling McLaughlin. I am married. I am an Art Director, Designer and Illustrator. I work at Atmosphere BBDO. I have lots of ideas. I have a baby girl named Nika Bean. I live in New York City. When I was in college, they put me on TV because I wore a mask and yelled at people. I have a reality show that I wil be starting… any day now. - See My Portfolio