Have you spent the last couple of weeks trying to come up with the perfect costume? Do you now, at 5pm on Halloween, face the prospect of going another year as the guy who forgot a costume? Well, I’ve got good news. If you, like me, are a nondescript white male with glasses, you’re in luck! Here is my list of three sure fire last minute costumes for bespectacled Caucasians.

#1 Rivers Cuomo

It isn’t that often that you get confused with a rock star. But if you’re white, have glasses, and are between the ages of 21 and 40, you probably get confused with Weezer founder Rivers Cuomo
on a daily basis. Now is the time to use this to your advantage. The best part about this simple, timeless costume is that you’re already wearing it! Sure, you can dress it up with an electric guitar or maybe a sweater vest, but that all stuff seams just a tad excessive. All you really need is to hum a few bars from “Undone-the Sweater Song” and hit on an Asian school girl. You’ll be the hit of the party in no time!

#2 Harry Potter

If you are looking for something a little more obscure this Halloween, why not go as the guy currently beating the pants off of Jesus & Co. on the NYT’s best seller’s list? Love him or hate him, Harry Potter is the bespectacled Caucasians messiah. You can either embrace him or spend eternity in Halloween purgatory. All you need for this fun and simple costume is a lightning bolt shaped “scar” on your forehead. Makeup is best, but in a pinch a black sharpie will do nicely. If you have time, you can dress it up with a rugby shirt or bath robe (Read: Wizard’s Robe). Then get a bit of twig and stumble around pointing it at things and swearing in Latin. “Expecto Patrón Margarita!” Priceless. If your looking for an easier alternative. Just take your glasses off and tell everyone you’re dressed as Daniel Radcliffe. It works every time.

#3 Gimungous, Attorney at Law

For this final costume, having glasses doesn’t really help you. In fact, being Caucasian is actually kind of a hindrance as well. Still, if you’re like me, you’ve been waiting all year for an excuse to pull that Luchador mask out of your top drawer at work and start roaming the halls, body slamming people. The best part about this simple, elegant and mildly offensive costume is that it goes with whatever you have on. Wear a suit to work? You’re “Lupo, Professional Banker!” Work at a Starbucks? How about “El Barista Vampiro!” Just because your Spanish is woefully bad, doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time! I once went as “El Scorcho, Television Chef”! Many men felt the wrath of my steel spatula that day. Good times…

Happy Haunting!

About The Author - My name is Stirling McLaughlin. I am married. I am an Art Director, Designer and Illustrator. I work at Atmosphere BBDO. I have lots of ideas. I have a baby girl named Nika Bean. I live in New York City. When I was in college, they put me on TV because I wore a mask and yelled at people. I have a reality show that I wil be starting… any day now. - See My Portfolio

At one point I was posting new articles daily and had a seemingly endless stream of new, and occasionally fresh ideas kept flowing from my sizable blog glands. Then suddenly it was as if in my sprint for the gold I had suffered a horrible blogging injury. Everything ground to a halt. I let my bogging muscles grow cold and atrophy. It would seem that I had become the Dick Beardsley of the Internet.

There where many reasons for this of course. I had several projects at work go in to production at the same time. My daughter, being a small person, was frequently ill. Finally, my father, the nigh-invulnerable force of nature, had some illnesses of his own. (It was as if the world was telling him he was, in fact, grandpa aged.) All of these things colluded to provide me with a sizable, and frankly implausible, list of excuses. I used them liberally.

None of these excuses however had nearly as much of an effect on my blogging as that pesky Mark Zuckerberg and his damnable Facebook.

Unlike the “Digg Effect”, which causes an overwhelming surge in traffic, thereby crashing your website, the “Facebook Effect” causes a overwhelming sense that all sites outside of Facebook are no longer necessary.

The sensation is similar to leaving the downtown retail district and going to the mall. Everything you need is right there! Who needs a record store or a book store? They are all at the mall! Who needs a myspace page or a twitter account? Who needs a blog?? Who needs weather information or traffic reports? You have widgets for all that!

Next thing you know, you find yourself stumbling, glassy-eyed, around the food court. You are wondering where the time as gone, and how you ate all those Cinnabons. And when exactly did you get a Harry Potter Sorting Hat widget anyway? It stuck you in Hufflepuff? Seriously??

Sooner or later I’ll have to leave the mall and stumble, blinking, in to the blinding sun and hot asphalt that is the rest of the internet. I guess I can’t stay in here forever. Not to worry… Facebook will always be there when I need it. Right now, however, I could really go for a Cinnabon.

About The Author - My name is Stirling McLaughlin. I am married. I am an Art Director, Designer and Illustrator. I work at Atmosphere BBDO. I have lots of ideas. I have a baby girl named Nika Bean. I live in New York City. When I was in college, they put me on TV because I wore a mask and yelled at people. I have a reality show that I wil be starting… any day now. - See My Portfolio

Every year, dozens of tag-lines are lost to callous re-branding and creative changes. We’re working to change that by providing abandoned and abused tag-lines with new, loving brands.

Here are 15 of our greatest success stories:

Victoria Secret. Anything Less Would Be Uncivilized.

Is it live, or is it beef?

Dow Chemical, Rip. Mix. Burn

Between love and madness lies iPhone.

Why ask why? Try Viagra.

Depends Adult Diapers. For those who think young.

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t. Paxil CR.

Wikipedia. You’ve got questions, we’ve got answers.

Only you can prevent Microsoft Office.

Timberland Boots kill bugs dead.

Syrup of ipecac, taste the rainbow.

Don’t you wish everything was made like Gatorade?

Like a good neighbor, Mexico is there.

Zanex. Think Different.

We’ve done what we can, but we could always use your help. Post yours below.

Remember, do it for the tag-lines.

-TTRP

About The Author - My name is Stirling McLaughlin. I am married. I am an Art Director, Designer and Illustrator. I work at Atmosphere BBDO. I have lots of ideas. I have a baby girl named Nika Bean. I live in New York City. When I was in college, they put me on TV because I wore a mask and yelled at people. I have a reality show that I wil be starting… any day now. - See My Portfolio