Posts from — December 2006
The Fog of War is Soupy and Delicious
It may appear by my recent activity that the vicious war of wars between Ian Webster and myself has subsided. I assure you that nothing could be further from the case. The fact of the matter is much of or fighting has taken place aboard on the stealthy, ninja like war-craft that is instant messaging.
I am sure that metaphor made perfect sense to me before I wrote it down.
Here I have compiled scenes from some of Mr. Webster’s greatest war crimes… against me.
First, allegedly in retaliation for something I did, Ian targeted my hometown of East Stroudsburg PA. Alert the U.N. because apparently he is threatening a nuclear strike!
Next, totally unprovoked, Ian stole a hair from my toothbrush and began work on his most ghastly scheme. This time Ian has violated not only the rule of law, but also the rule of science and possibly some other rules.
As you can see in this photo acquired by one of my many spies, Ian has effectively taken my DNA and combined it with some kind of hideous giraffe bird! What can his reasoning be? What kind of vile creature is the Ian Webster??
Well, this next photo will answer that question.
As you can clearly see. Ian Webster chats online with Hitler. Even worse, Hitler is on Ian’s buddy list.
Mr. webster, I await your response.
About The Author - My name is Stirling McLaughlin. I am married. I am an Art Director, Designer and Illustrator. I work at Atmosphere BBDO. I have lots of ideas. I have a baby girl named Nika Bean. I live in New York City. When I was in college, they put me on TV because I wore a mask and yelled at people. I have a reality show that I wil be starting… any day now. - See My PortfolioDecember 18, 2006 2 Comments
Steven Speilberg Presents: Five Word Movie Reviews III
Jaws (1975)
Family man fights shark, wins.
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
Archeologist fights the Nazis, wins.
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
Alien fights family man, wins.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)
Archeologist fights Kali devotees, wins.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)
Archeologist fights Nazis again, wins.
Hook (1991)
Peter Pan fights Hook, wins.
Jurassic Park (1993)
palaeontologist fights modern dinosaurs, wins
The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
chaotitian fights modern dinosaurs, wins
Minority Report (2002)
Man fights his destiny, wins
War of the Worlds (2005)
Family man fights aliens, wins.
Anyway, you get the idea.
About The Author - My name is Stirling McLaughlin. I am married. I am an Art Director, Designer and Illustrator. I work at Atmosphere BBDO. I have lots of ideas. I have a baby girl named Nika Bean. I live in New York City. When I was in college, they put me on TV because I wore a mask and yelled at people. I have a reality show that I wil be starting… any day now. - See My PortfolioDecember 15, 2006 3 Comments
Five word movie reviews: Tom Hanks Edition
Just like potato chips, once you start, you feel greasy and fat. Here are some more five word movie reviews.
Splash (1984)
Hannah as manatee. Comic gold.
Volunteers (1985)
Move over “the River Kwai”!
The Man with One Red Shoe (1985)
Greatest spy film ever made?
Big (1988)
Captures my imagination every time
The ‘burbs (1989)
“Satan is your pal.” priceless
Joe Versus the Volcano (1990)
Better than half this crap.
The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990)
Could’ve been worse… Just kidding…
A League of Their Own (1992)
Women playing baseball? What’s Next??
Philadelphia (1993)
Flawless. Need… four… more… words…
Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
Ian’s favorite movie. OOOH BURN!
Forrest Gump (1994)
Creates new genre: “Lovable ‘tards”
Toy Story (1995)
Pixar’s greatest film? Maybe Tom’s?
Apollo 13 (1995)
Too serious. I blame Philadelphia.
Saving Private Ryan (1998)
Extreme Makeover: Greatest Generation Edition
You’ve Got Mail (1998)
Didn’t I just see this?
The Green Mile (1999)
Save time. Read six volumes…
Cast Away (2000)
Joe minus Volcano. Wilson dominates.
Catch Me If You Can (2002)
Tom brilliant as charming putz.
The Ladykillers (2004)
Yeah Tom! Stick with funny!
The Terminal (2004)
No Tom. I said funny.
December 15, 2006 No Comments
20 Five Word Movie Reviews
Inspired by the Flux’s 3 word movie reviews, I have decided to try the far wordier, albeit far less ambitious, 5 word movie review. Originally I set out to review ever movie I have ever seen. This proved to be silly and, quite frankly, impossible. For now, I will start with twenty.
Citizen Kane (1941)
Alright. I could do better.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
Didn’t see it. Sounds Awesome!
Chinatown (1974)
Roman Polanski: Genius, Child Fucker
Mad Max (1979)
Rockatansky? Sounds Jewish to me…
Blade Runner (1982)
I dream of electric sheep… :-0
Yentl (1983)
Guessing Mel didn’t see it.
Pretty in Pink (1986)
Andie’s black. Think about it.
Above the Law (1988)
Good Seagal. Only happened once.
Harrison Ford is The Fugitive (1993)
Best movie ever! No, seriously
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
FRESH FISH! FRESH FISH! Yikes.
Braveheart (1995)
Wasn’t William Wallace a jew?
Breaking the Waves (1996)
“Golden Heart” trilogy causes vomiting
Titanic (1997)
Birthed “synthespians”. Drowned them all.
Conspiracy Theory (1997)
Amazingly, not about the jews!
Dancer in the Dark (2000)
Breaking the Waves: The Musical
American Psycho (2000)
I can relate… Just kidding…
Ghost Ship (2002)
Ghosts on Ship. Zanyness ensues
Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)
Face It. Michael was right.
The Passion of the Christ (2004)
I know he was jewish.
Derailed (2005)
Tell Hafstrom “Rape’s not cool”!!
Check out The Flux to see their three word reviews.
About The Author - My name is Stirling McLaughlin. I am married. I am an Art Director, Designer and Illustrator. I work at Atmosphere BBDO. I have lots of ideas. I have a baby girl named Nika Bean. I live in New York City. When I was in college, they put me on TV because I wore a mask and yelled at people. I have a reality show that I wil be starting… any day now. - See My PortfolioDecember 14, 2006 No Comments
True Facts About Ian Webster, Volume 1
In which I talk trash about Ian’s home city of Seattle, Washington.
• Ian comes from Seattle, Washington.
• Seattle is so full of hobos and degenerates that it once went by a diffrent name: New York.
Seattle was formerly the sister city of Managua, Nicaragua but the relationship was terminated… at the request of Managua!
• Arthur A. Denny named Seattle by botching the hell out of Cheif Sealth’s name. That is just the kind of mistake Ian would make. It should be noted that the fact that nobody had tried to spell Sealth’s name prior to Denny’s arrival is no excuse.
• Many famous Seattle residents have comes from Illinois, Including Arthur A. Denny, U.S. Representative Jim McDermot and Eddie Vedder. Ian is not from Illinois. Not even a little bit.
• Seattle’s tallest building, Columbia Center, has changed names far too many times. It is further evidence that people from the Pacific Northwest are shifty. Ian is from the Pacific Northwest. Ian is from SEATTLE!
• Seattle, the so-called “Rainy City” recieves less rain than New York, Atlanta or Houston. See Ian? Even the bad things Seattle is famous for are total bull.
About The Author - My name is Stirling McLaughlin. I am married. I am an Art Director, Designer and Illustrator. I work at Atmosphere BBDO. I have lots of ideas. I have a baby girl named Nika Bean. I live in New York City. When I was in college, they put me on TV because I wore a mask and yelled at people. I have a reality show that I wil be starting… any day now. - See My PortfolioDecember 5, 2006 1 Comment
I will punch you in half!
As a cursory look at any history book will tell you, competition breeds innovation. It is for this reason that I’ve decided to enter in to a match of wits with my dear friend and close ally Ian Webster. It is my hope that, through this friendly little bout, he and I will both benefit and our respective blogs will become all the more popular.
Good luck old chum!
To start things off:
Ian Webster, I will punch you in half!
Consider this a threat. No, a promise! No! The promise of a threatening threat! I have sat idly by for long enough as you have polluted the internets with your little doodles. The fact that you are employed as an illustrator is a disgrace to my closely related, but not identical, profession. I will take it no more!
Go Back to Discovery Park Northwesty!
I await your response.
Lovingly,
-stirling
December 4, 2006 2 Comments